the other day I went to a bbq at a friend’s
(she’s got a big messy family, lots of siblings, lots of noise, lots of joy)
and when i got home I noticed how quiet it was at my house
too quiet

so I am on a quest to change that
for a number of reasons

growing up
we had a house with a pool and a tennis court
and every day friends came over
every holiday became an excuse for a party
for people to gather

even though our family was relatively small
we had people
there were a few special families
that became more than friends
we spent holidays together
summer ones at our house
the jewish holidays at theirs
alternating thanksgivings

our very own big messy family

the dads had lunch every friday
the moms fast walked, drank coffee
smoked in each other’s kitchens
(until one by one they quit)

they were our people for a long time
until my parents divorced
sold the house
moved out of town
sides were chosen
among other things

at the time I didn’t know
what a precious commodity that was
how important having people was
we just DID
until we didn’t

our big messy family – kaput

one of the reasons I married my ex
was his big family
I didn’t realize
that when we split
they too would be exes

though my daughter is close with her cousins
I have ceased to exist
and while I’m completely okay with that
I am on a quest of sorts
to create our own version of
big messy family

people to call our own

I long for that

the day to day, drive by hi, borrow a cup of sugar
rose on the patio, coffee in the kitchen
holidays, trips to target, easy weekends“
does this make me look fat?” people

as single mom to an only child
I NEED that
(not to be morbid but)
when I die
I need there to be people out there
who love me as much as my girl does
to tell the stories
to share the memories with

people to hold her up
people we shared our life with

so this is how I begin
by sharing my intention

you can create intentions
for anything and everything you desire too

pretty cool huh?

what do you desire anyway?

please let me know!!
(the first step is sharing the intention, remember?)

okay can’t wait to hear what it is!!